Get What You Want: Program Your Mind For Success

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.”
-Henry Ford

We often have a gap between what we want, and what we expect.

We also tend to act and behave based on what we expect, not what we want.

For example, if we are expecting our horse to spook in the corner of the arena, we tend to ride defensively. Our thoughts drift to what our horse might do, how we expect him to react. Will he spook? Shy? Bolt? So we act accordingly. We might shorten our reins, tense our muscles, hold our breath, etc.

So how does our horse respond? He senses our fear, and most likely will spook!

When we have this gap between what we expect to happen, and what we want to happen, we often feel nervous, fearful, disappointed, depressed, etc.

So how do we break this cycle?

Psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, the creator of Future Directed Therapy, has a simple exercise that she uses to help her clients narrow this gap between what they want, and what they expect.

In this simple exercise, you answer three questions about the situation where you are not getting the result that you want.

1. How is what I am expecting making me feel?
2. What would I like to have happen instead?
3. What do I need to do to make what I want happen?

When your thoughts are you focused on what you don’t want to happen, all the things that could go wrong, and why it isn’t going to work out for you, and then you are not generating thoughts and ideas for how to make it go the way you want.

By answering these three questions, and identifying what you need to do to make what you want happen, you are laying out a plan for how to get the result that you want. When you have a plan, then you start to view the situation differently. Your mindset shifts, and you start to see possibilities instead of obstacles.

Every successful step that you take towards what you want causes you to shift your expectations closer to what you want, narrowing the gap between what you want and what you expect.

Now, you might say to me, but my horse ALWAYS spooks at that corner, so I KNOW that he is going to spook there again.

And you are probably right. Our brains are wired to look for patterns. Our brains uses past experiences to predict what might happen in the future. This is the defense mechanism that helps us to be prepared, to stay safe. So it is natural for us to get defensive in that corner where our horse has spooked in the past. Our past experiences feed our expectations, which motivate our behavior.

But you know what? Acting based on our expectations is not going to change the situation.

So look back at those questions:
 
1. How is what I am expecting making me feel?
2. What would I like to have happen instead?
3. What do I need to do to make what I want happen?

How are you feeling about the situation?

What would you like to happen instead?

What do you need to do to make the result that you want happen?

Then act based on your answer to question #3.

When you are motivated by what you want, change is possible.
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You just have to choose to take action based on what you want, not what you expect.

Get out there and Get Gritty!

Chevy

For more information about Dr. Vilhaur, watch her TEDxTalk at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwLeiY5f7sI